Each day that passes I become more transfixed that Yes! I do want to write! Yes! I do want a writing career! I am leaving behind my safe harbor of procrastination and insecurity and I am moving out into the bay of possibilities!
When I was young and in high school I was always told what a great writer I was! When I went to a few of my high school reunions since then, classmates have come up to me and asked me what I'm doing with my life. They always walk away dumbfounded that I have not gone into journalism or even had at least one poem published.
I walked away from writing in my late teens because I was trying so hard to grow up and wanting so much for what I saw as the perfect life. Sadly, the perfect life translated into getting into abusive relationships, having children, being a single parent for a long time, going to college on my own expense, and working day in and day out in the administrative support world - a world that isn't exactly the most respected in any organization it would seem.
Well... today I am taking the challenge and going forward to reach my goals and no longer will I sit back and watch my life like a movie - something so far away from what I ever really imagined for myself! Where did I go? I am determined to find out!
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
The Uphill Battle Never Ends
Going to college as an adult was very challenging! I had to really manage my personal life, including my children, and my work life. It was hard but I enjoyed going to college very much. I felt for the first time in my life, a certain level of reward. It was great having someone mark a paper and to receive an "A". It made me feel like someone special - a woman doing it all! It took me years to get through my associate's and then I went on to get my bachelor's graduating Magna Cum Laude. I was so proud.
All the while that I went to school I would speak with the director of HR, where I worked then, and I would get direction that would build on my hopes that when I graduated I would realize a promotion or a title change, or something. When I graduated I offered my employer my new-found services to write press releases for them and overall, get them media attention for their services. This constituted that I do this work at night because during the day it was forbidden. I managed to do it and quite successfully, if I may say so myself. They had a huge event and I was able to get a major anchorperson to cover it, I designed T-shirts, wrote press releases and started really enjoying my working life.
However, there came a day when, of course, I wanted to do this permanently instead of the job I was initially hired for, which was very taxing and degrading to me as I felt like, at least in my mind, I had grown away from. When I went to the powers that be to ask for a raise or title change or whatever, I was told "no" in so many words and "we can't afford to do this right now."
Of course, I knew and I know that they pick and choose what they want to support in that company and if I were someone they actually appreciated, they would have found a way to appease me somehow. I was miserable! I began looking for another job. Realizing that I had been with that company for 20 years and had very little experience outside of it - I figured that it would be better to go with a more advanced position in what I was currently doing, where I could possibly still help a company with their PR, but improve on my salary. In other words, to take an entry level PR position would have set me back too much!
I went for an interview with a company that sang the right tune to me in the way of $$ and during the interview, many stories were exchanged and my hopes again built that I would work for a company that would have pathways and that I would not AGAIN be in a dead-end job. 3 years later and here I am again. First, I was given almost nothing to do for the first 3 months, then I had to go around begging for work just to keep the synapses in my brain from atrophying, now there are real potential things that I could do, but it won't be me that does them.
Sadly, the $$ is good but I feel like a square peg in a round hole - the fit isn't good and the opportunites are negligible (at least for me). It is very devastating for me as it is back to the grind-stone to find a job that is more suitable as in my heart, PR, and its polar opposite, journalism, are my favorite things in life!
All the while that I went to school I would speak with the director of HR, where I worked then, and I would get direction that would build on my hopes that when I graduated I would realize a promotion or a title change, or something. When I graduated I offered my employer my new-found services to write press releases for them and overall, get them media attention for their services. This constituted that I do this work at night because during the day it was forbidden. I managed to do it and quite successfully, if I may say so myself. They had a huge event and I was able to get a major anchorperson to cover it, I designed T-shirts, wrote press releases and started really enjoying my working life.
However, there came a day when, of course, I wanted to do this permanently instead of the job I was initially hired for, which was very taxing and degrading to me as I felt like, at least in my mind, I had grown away from. When I went to the powers that be to ask for a raise or title change or whatever, I was told "no" in so many words and "we can't afford to do this right now."
Of course, I knew and I know that they pick and choose what they want to support in that company and if I were someone they actually appreciated, they would have found a way to appease me somehow. I was miserable! I began looking for another job. Realizing that I had been with that company for 20 years and had very little experience outside of it - I figured that it would be better to go with a more advanced position in what I was currently doing, where I could possibly still help a company with their PR, but improve on my salary. In other words, to take an entry level PR position would have set me back too much!
I went for an interview with a company that sang the right tune to me in the way of $$ and during the interview, many stories were exchanged and my hopes again built that I would work for a company that would have pathways and that I would not AGAIN be in a dead-end job. 3 years later and here I am again. First, I was given almost nothing to do for the first 3 months, then I had to go around begging for work just to keep the synapses in my brain from atrophying, now there are real potential things that I could do, but it won't be me that does them.
Sadly, the $$ is good but I feel like a square peg in a round hole - the fit isn't good and the opportunites are negligible (at least for me). It is very devastating for me as it is back to the grind-stone to find a job that is more suitable as in my heart, PR, and its polar opposite, journalism, are my favorite things in life!
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